2008's rocky road

I never really cared about new year's eve or saw the point of celebrating. It just means you've got to buy a new date book or calendar which is the only fun part of the whole debacle if you ask me. Although this year I do feel a bit different. I'm still not in the mood to celebrate, just relieved that in a few hours time 2008 will officially be over.

It's been a very turbulent and slightly traumatic year. I've had to deal with a lot of personal issues which eventually lead to some very uncomfortable physical ordeals but I'm on the road to mental health as I've taken the first step and had my first appointment with a shrink yesterday. It was a very strange and moist experience. I'm not quite sure what to make of it really, I guess only time will tell.

2008's big event: I graduated, finally. I'm really happy that that part of my life is over to tell you the truth. It wasn't all bad but it just lasted a tad too long so it ended up being dull and tedious. I left the warm bosom of university and literal got spat out in a cold harsh universe named reality which led to a minor nervous breakdown especially when you realize you've wasted almost a quarter of your life, oh well. One of my new year's resolutions will be to no longer dwell on this depressing fact and just hope for the best. With this in mind I've decided to take that job in the bookstore, if they officially offer it to me at least.

2009 will be the year of a complete mental make over. The year I finally start living my own life and not have it lived by others as my shrink said. I'm gonna make my own decisions, take risks and if I fall flat on my face, who cares? At least I've tried. I'm going to try to stop being scared of losing control, losing my way or caring what others might think. Life's to short or at least that's what 2008's misery has taught me. Besides a mental make over and a job, a driver's license is also on my to do list of 2009, so drivers and pedestrians beware.

Don't get me wrong 2008 wasn't all bad just frustrating and very confrontational. It had it's highlights as well. I discovered that I love baking and haven't looked back since. I was introduced to the wonderful world of pilates and totally relish my work out every other day. I also plan on exercising a lot more in 2009 because it honestly brightens my day. And of course 2008's ultimate high, Disneyland Paris: terrifying, intoxicating, beautiful and freezing fun!

Now usually when people write these roundup posts they talk about their favorite movies, books, music,... of the past year. After a slight detour (resolutions are kicking in already), I'm back on track and will commence with my original plan, namely 2008's entertainment highs.

Usually the easiest part is my favorite movie although this year it's kinda difficult seeing as I've seen less movies than any other year in the history of, well me. For some reason I just wasn't in the mood. I did however see a lot more television series than I've ever have. Although I'm still a die hard fan of Boston Legal and House M.D., this year's highlights have got to be the fabulous Dexter, The Office: An American Workplace (I just want to claw at Ricky Gervais and Steve Carell is simply adorable) and although it's a much older and canceled series, I recommend you all watch Firefly which is simply brilliant.
OK, back to movies. I guess Wall-E was probably the best movie I saw all year. It was visually astounding, the characters were wonderfully heartbreaking and the story was meaningful and timeless. What more do you want? Juno was another winner in my opinion, funny, quirky and upbeat. And finally Leatherheads, George Clooney in a romantic comedy with a forties setting. A guilty pleasure if I do say so myself.

And now music which is a though one seeing as I'm not up to speed when it comes to contemporary music. I also never listen to a radio, nor do I have cable so any music that gets through is just by accident or force fed to me by my beloved. There was one album though that I bought on it's first day of release and it contains some of my most played songs if I take my Ipod's word for it at least. It's Melody by Sharleen Spiteri. For those of you who don't know her, she's the singer of Texas. For those of you who don't know Texas, shame on you! She wrote her first solo album after breaking up with her long term boyfriend and you'd probably expect a lot of depressing I hate you and hope you die a slow and painful death type of thing (or maybe that's just me) but nothing is further from the truth. The album is filled with fun, upbeat and hopeful tunes combined with a funky fifties sound. Trust me, you won't be blue much longer once you put this baby on, that's why Melody has now officially become my happy album.

And finally books. I haven't read as much this year as usual due to my disillusioned state of mind these past months but that hasn't stopped me from buying ridiculous amounts of books. To tell you the truth I haven't read a lot of 'new' books meaning published in 2008 so that makes this part a little harder. But there are two writers that I've been reading a lot of this year and they are Haruki Murakami and Michael Chabon. Murakami did publish After Dark this year (I think) so that covers it. Although After Dark was good, it wasn't one of his best. In my opinion and I can't emphasize it enough, Kafka on the Shore remains a classic and was one of the highlights of my reading year together with Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Klay. Chabon creates a spectacular atmosphere (a lot of his novels are set in the forties), peculiar characters and riveting tales. But Murakami with his fantastical stories, colorful characters and out of this world experiences is my biggest find of the year.

I just realized that this is one hell of a post so for those of you who have endured my ramblings and got this far, congratulations and thank you. Finally, I'd like to wish you all a spectacular 2009.

Cold feet vs confusion

Today I had an unexpected second job interview with that bookstore I mentioned earlier. The interview went good, great even until the proprietor uttered words that literally shook me to the core: if it were up to me, you'd start next week.

After all those months of rejection, anguish and feeling like a failure, this was the most positive answer I'd ever gotten. And although I was really starting to get desperate and just wanted a job, any job, I wasn't happy; just extremely nauseous when he said that. I thought it was what I wanted but it turns out, I'm not ready. Or maybe I am but just not for this seeing as it isn't exactly what I originally had in mind. What scares me the most are the annoying side effects that are going to turn my beloved world (I know, I occasionally curse the ground I walk on) upside down.

Like I said, I'd be working in a bookstore which could actually be fun. Books and all. I'd finally be doing something productive, I'd be distracted from my other "issues", I'd be earning a living, no dull nine to five and I might even be able to use my education for something else than recreational purposes.

The terrifying downside: 120 minutes of public transport a day, working every Saturday, very long hours (9 am - 7.30pm) and the wages of a sales assistant which once again emphasizes that the past eight years have been for nothing. Zara, anyone?

True, I'd be working, I'd have experience and I could always keep on looking for greener pastures but something about this entire scenario just scares the shit out of me while I actually should be happy seeing as I'd finally have a job. But why aren't I?

Christmas treats

I hope you all had a terrific Christmas, I surely did although it was a bit hectic at times. This year is the first time we had the Christmas dinner at our place and also a couple of parties so a lot of planning, cooking and decorating was involved. In a nutshell, everything I like doing.

I have to admit that for the first time, I wasn't in a very Christmassy mood this year but all the friends, food, family and of course the wonderful presents made this year one of the best Christmases I've ever had. Who'd have thought? As I'm writing this, I'm actually filled with hope and joy. I'm not exactly sure if it's an actual transition or just all the presents talking but I'm feeling happier than I've been in ages.

I even got a bit nostalgic yesterday when we watched The Black Cauldron. It's a Disney movie from 1985 and my sweetheart got it for me. It's a rather dark, twisted and unsuccessful film, or so I gather seeing as no one I know has heard of it. The reason I so desperately wanted to see it again is because it was one of the first movies I can remember seeing in the cinema, a mere 23 years ago and hadn't seen since. Despite the fact that no one else remembers it, the adventures of Taran, Gurgi, Henwen and Fflewddur Fflam battling the still terrifying Horned King have stayed with me ever since. Seriously, he's like the scariest Disney villain ever!

The Black Cauldron wasn't the only movie we saw. We started of Christmas Eve early with Richard Donner's take on Scrooge, namely Scrooged and followed it up after dinner with the classic It's a wonderful life and to tell you the truth, it is from time to time. Santa Claus actually brought me tons of movies so I won't be getting of the couch any time soon.

Santa, probably in cahoots with my pumpkin, also brought me a beautiful Kokeshi doll. I know I've been going on and on about how I wanted a Kimmidoll and how cute they are but I have to say, now that I've got an original Kokeshi, my precious little Seiko jut fades into the background. This doll whose name is in Japanese, damn it, is just so delicate and pretty that I'm simply in awe of the craftsmanship that went into her. She's from this adorably Japanese shop in Berchem, Kupuku, which I highly recommend you'd visit 'cause they have a lot of cute and original stuff there and that's also the place where my pink kitty Snooshi hails from, again Santa's doings.

Besides watching too many movies I'll also be doing a lot of reading on the couch as Santa also schlepped a ton of books over here but one of my favorites as got to be How to be a domestic goddess by Nigella Lawson. Don't get me wrong, the idea of becoming a housewife scares the shit out of me but what can I say, I just love to bake. I love creating gorgeous and tasty cakes. Lately, that's the only time I feel I've actually accomplished something 'cause the fragrant and moist results are usually staring me in the face on their way to my mouth. I'm even contemplating taking evening classes next year to become a qualified pastry chef. It's just an idea so...
Anyway, I'm becoming a real Nigella fan. It's the second book of hers I've got (the other is Nigella's Christmas) and I really like the fact that she introduces every recipe with a story about how she got it, what it reminds her of,... It's not just a recipe book but and actual storybook, something that even kitchen phobics can treasure.

Don't mess with me honey

And now something completely different. My doctor advised me to relax, which is believe it or not very hard if you're as tightly wound as I am, seeing as stress among other things is one of the causes of my gastro enteritis problems. I took my dear friend Katrien up on her offer to do some yoga on her Wii Fit, hoping it would calm me down a tad. But experience has taught me that all that breathing and bending just irritates the hell out of me so no success there.

Luckily, there's also Wii Sports which is in my opinion not only a lot more fun but also exhausting and this resulted in a not only calmer but also very sweaty Ginny Jones, for about 30 minutes or so. I especially loved the boxing seeing as I'm not good at aiming, balancing,... basically everything that requires some form of restraint. Did I also mention that my timing also sucks? Anyway, I just love letting everything go and pounding the shit out of my opponent like any lady would of course. In the end I knocked out three guys in a row, went up a few notches (I am now level 500 something or other), had one hell of a work out and relieved my stress levels for about 15 minutes. Not bad, not bad at all.

The hunt continues

So, I had another job interview yesterday. I've decided to try my chances in retail, why would someone with a couple of university degrees want to work as a sales assistant, you might ask? Well, firstly it would be in a bookstore (that's something, right?), secondly no dull nine to five behind a computer and thirdly, I'm getting a teeny bit desperate OK. So I schlepped my ass all the way to Sint-Niklaas (2 hours of public transport which I wouldn't recommend unless you're in a masochistic mood) to apply for a job in Schelle. For those who don't know either places, it's not only an entirely different zip code but also language or dialect to be precise. The interview went great but speaking from experience (the only kind I have apparently) that's not much to go on. Even if the big kahuna likes me, I'd still have another three people to convince so I'm not counting my eggs just yet.

Santa Claus is coming to town

For those who might have been worried by my absence, no I wasn't contemplating suicide or anything unfortunate like that. The past week I've been enjoying all the fun and exciting things that the holidays offer: decorating a Christmas tree, baking, buying presents,... and I have to say it's done me a world of good.

Christmas carols are playing in the background while I write this and no matter how blue I get, they still give me a warm and fuzzy feeling and that's a good sign. Not all hope was lost apparently, just misdirected like me.

I've even started reading again people! After Dark by Haruki Murakami (not bad, not bad at all) to gently ease myself into Possession, the book I selected for our book club. I just hope it's good otherwise I might end up being crucified on our first meeting.

Anyway this got me thinking about Christmas stories. One of my favorites is A Christmas Memory by Truman Capote, a nostalgic and almost glowing tale about the enduring friendship between two innocent souls. Maybe not all that festive but it does fill the heart and eyes with fuzzy yet moist feelings.

For those who prefer a more vibrant tale, I suggest Another Night Before Christmas by Carol Ann Duffy. It's a modern illustrated remake of the classic and treasured Night before Christmas by Clement Moore in which we read the story of Santa's comings and goings on Christmas eve. This poem, which was originally published in 1822, didn't only inspire Tim Burton but it is also largely responsible for our conception of Santa Claus, his actions and fury red nosed companions. So if you want to have yourself a merry traditional yet slightly contemporary Christmas, Another Night Before Christmas is the way to go.

Attention shoppers

And on a lighter note, I've decided to get some therapy, retail therapy to be precise. I'm leaving for London tomorrow to bathe in Christmas cheer. Nothing brightens up my day more than repetitive carols, fluorescent lighting, colorful displays, shiny presents and some mince pies.
Money may not be able buy you happiness but it sure as hell can distract you from the pain.

New horizons

I've been feeling pretty down the past few days, unemployment and some other personal issues are really starting to get to me. I'm lacking motivation, inspiration and enthusiasm so I'm gonna apologize in advance for the rather dull and dry nature of this post. They can't all be winners, right?

I guess I'm having some kind of quarter life crisis, having lost all hope, will and direction. My life just isn't turning out the way I'd hoped but then again, whose is? Anything's possible people tell me, yet they regret to inform me that that's just in theory. Practically speaking I'm feeling rather numb from running into one too many brick walls. They just keep on popping up, the bastards, where you'd least expect them. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very positive person but every once in while reality gets the better of me.

I've come to the conclusion that the past eight years of university were a total waste of time. I enjoyed them but now that I've emerged from the intellectual bubble into the real world I've come to realize that literature is nothing more than a hobby, not a career. A few might get lucky but the rest is just kidding themselves. Letting go of these delusions is the only way to blissfully move on and that's what I'm gonna do. I always figured I'd be doing something more or less cultural and I'd feel bad every time I'd get another letter telling me I wasn't qualified enough, thinking I was useless and that it was all for nothing. And these feelings are only adding to my pending depression. But no more!

I've decided that 2009 will be the end of my wallowing, the end of my delusions and the perfect time to start with a clean slate. I'm planning on banishing all negative thoughts and people from my life and start being happy with what I have, not beating myself up for what's lacking. Just because one thing isn't working out for you, doesn't mean nothing will. When you have too many expectations and even hopes, you're only gonna be disappointed as life never fully turns out the way you planned. The future is outside my reach but now I'm ready to embrace whatever it may bring.

I still have certain hopes and dreams that may never be realized but I'm ok with that. They're called dreams for a reason, right? It doesn't mean I'll stop trying, I'm just going to enjoy the road where ever it may lead. After all, the unexpected can be fun to.

Braving it in Brussels

I went to Brussels today on a mission; firstly to get an adorable Kimmidoll which was worth the trip alone and secondly, to get a job. Seeing as paid labor isn't working out for me, I'm planning on giving the unpaid kind a go. You heard me right people, I offered to work for free. No, I'm not having a nervous breakdown and no, my boredom hasn't reached new heights, not just yet anyway.
Seeing as nobody wants to hire me as I lack experience (well, duh) I proposed to gain some experience free of charge in the hope that they'll keep me on afterwards. They get free labor and I get some experience to put on my resume and a way to pass the time productively for a change. Anyway, I start next Wednesday. It's incredible how fast you can get a job that doesn't pay!

My precious little Seiko (she's not as bad as she sounds) wasn't the only thing to make the trip back to Antwerp. While looking for a Christmas present for my pumpkin, I encountered a cute little book. I have to confess I'm addicted to books and not just the ones you read. I love notebooks, address books, diaries, you name it. And this one especially comes in handy with the book club approaching, a reader's journal entitled: Smart women read between the lines. It's not just pretty but even useful, for a change.
It's a book created by Julie Hellwich who has designed an entire Smart Women collection ranging from this reader's journal to notebooks, cards and even stationary sets. It's a combination of retro graphics and clever wordplay, in a nutshell totally my cup of tea.
Now all I need is a book to read, even if it's just an excuse to deflower this one.

Suggestions, anyone?

I bought a few books this weekend and putting them in my already overflowing bookcase always brings me great joy and needless to say a little frustration. My will to read is still dormant but I hope that'll soon change as more riveting titles are approaching (Christmas and all) and I've also decided to start a book club.
Why? You may ask. Well, the answer is simple: to put the only knowledge I have, being of the literary variety, to some use and to gossip a little along the way.
As "organizer" of the whole shebang, I get to choose the first book which is going to be hard because I don't have a clue where to begin. Seeing as I don't have any particular title in mind, I just spent the last 20 minutes or so in a very relaxing lotus pose staring at my beloved books in order to get the juices flowing. Apparently, the juices have dried up...