New horizons

I've been feeling pretty down the past few days, unemployment and some other personal issues are really starting to get to me. I'm lacking motivation, inspiration and enthusiasm so I'm gonna apologize in advance for the rather dull and dry nature of this post. They can't all be winners, right?

I guess I'm having some kind of quarter life crisis, having lost all hope, will and direction. My life just isn't turning out the way I'd hoped but then again, whose is? Anything's possible people tell me, yet they regret to inform me that that's just in theory. Practically speaking I'm feeling rather numb from running into one too many brick walls. They just keep on popping up, the bastards, where you'd least expect them. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very positive person but every once in while reality gets the better of me.

I've come to the conclusion that the past eight years of university were a total waste of time. I enjoyed them but now that I've emerged from the intellectual bubble into the real world I've come to realize that literature is nothing more than a hobby, not a career. A few might get lucky but the rest is just kidding themselves. Letting go of these delusions is the only way to blissfully move on and that's what I'm gonna do. I always figured I'd be doing something more or less cultural and I'd feel bad every time I'd get another letter telling me I wasn't qualified enough, thinking I was useless and that it was all for nothing. And these feelings are only adding to my pending depression. But no more!

I've decided that 2009 will be the end of my wallowing, the end of my delusions and the perfect time to start with a clean slate. I'm planning on banishing all negative thoughts and people from my life and start being happy with what I have, not beating myself up for what's lacking. Just because one thing isn't working out for you, doesn't mean nothing will. When you have too many expectations and even hopes, you're only gonna be disappointed as life never fully turns out the way you planned. The future is outside my reach but now I'm ready to embrace whatever it may bring.

I still have certain hopes and dreams that may never be realized but I'm ok with that. They're called dreams for a reason, right? It doesn't mean I'll stop trying, I'm just going to enjoy the road where ever it may lead. After all, the unexpected can be fun to.