Mindfulness

Thanks to the numerous tests, doctor’s appointments and meds that could have become fatal in hindsight, my panic attacks have been going through the roof lately. They started with mild hyperventilation about three years ago and whenever you least expect it, usually while doing the dishes or watching TV, they’ll pop up and hold you hostage for a couple of days.

These past few months I’ve been hyperventilating more than I care to say and on Friday I had a major panic attack seeing as I wasn’t supposed to take the meds my new doctor prescribed but naturally I had already taken them. I eventually got over it and forced myself to leave the house, something which has become stressful in itself at times.

Over the years I’ve become very sensitive to stress, emotional and physical ailments, unexpected events and even things I don’t particularly want to do are able to cause severe inner turmoil. I have a habit of ignoring all these things until there’s no escape and my body just shuts down, queue dizziness, nausea, chest pains and the feeling that I'm being suffocated, in other words a classic panic attack.

Now the new meds I got on Thursday were supposed to slow down my heartbeat, lower my blood pressure and basically calm me down, easing the blood flow to my head and making the noise in my ear less prominent. It actually worked until I read the accompanying leaflet which said it could be fatal for people who have or had asthma (that would be me). Needless to say, I didn’t respond well to that information.

Sadly, my tendency to hyperventilate isn’t something you can cure; only manage by being aware of the warning signs, avoiding stress and simply saying enough is enough. I’ve been advised to do more yoga and maybe try mindfulness to clear my head of negative thoughts which is why I’ve been meditating and breathing my ass of this weekend. It’s weird to think how something so easy (for some at least) and vital can be so hard for others, making me cherish every slow breath and moment of silence, even if it only lasts 8 seconds.